Paragliders vs. Women :

paragliders can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
paragliders don't get mad if you 'touch and go'.
paragliders don't object to a preflight inspection.
paragliders come with manuals to explain their operation.
paragliders have defined weight limitations.
paragliders can be flown any time of the month.
paragliders don't come with in-laws.
paragliders don't care about how many other paragliders you have flown.
paragliders don't mind if you look at other paragliders.
paragliders don't mind if you buy magazines about them.
paragliders don't comment on your piloting skills.
paragliders don't make annoying whining noises unless you are spiraling towards the earth at an alarming rate.
paragliders don't mind if you use them, then cover them up and walk away and have a beer.
paragliders don't mind if tell stories about them to your friends.
paragliders are more forgiving when they are wider.
paragliders don't object to you taking pictures of them in the act.
paragliders don't mind supporting you in fact they need to pull/hold your weight.
paragliders don't get mad if can't decide if you want to use them today or wait till better condtions.


Chris's Laws

• Takeoffs are optional landings are always mandatory.
  
• Land your body, not your wing.
  
• If you can hear the wind in the tops of the trees behind launch, don't.
  
• A bad day flying beats a good day at work.
  
• Weather men usually lie.
  
• Weather men are accurate, with the weather that happened yesterday.
  
• If all the locals/skygods are sitting on launch or the field, sit with them.
  
• The site working really great today is always at least 100 miles away.
  
• Try to always fly with better pilots than yourself -- this is easy for some of us.
  
• If the local sky-god ain't gonna fly today, you probably shouldn't either.
  
• Never forget the second word in the phrase "wind dummy".
  
• If you wouldn't put that gas that sit in the shed in your car, why would you put this gas in your airplane.
  
• The air does not know or care if you are an P2 or P3.
  
• Sometimes, zero sink is a real good deal.
  
• Turbulence is nature’s way of reminding us we are not birds.
  
• You learn more flying new sites than old ones.
  
• Work is permanent, good flying weather is transitory.
  
• Being an hour early on launch is infinitely better than 5 minutes late.
  
• Getting locked out is more than a inconvenience its a life altering event.
  
• Never co-pilot with a tandem pilot wearing a cast.
  
• If you are on the LZ, your lunch or car is on launch - and visa versa, of course.
  
• The "tow technician" is not at the end of the rope.
  
• The safety of an aircraft is inversely proportional to its mass.
  
• The altitude above and the air behind you doesn't count.
  
• You have a bag of luck when you lean to fly, try to fill your bag of experence before you run out of luck.
  
• When nature is generous with altitude, accept her gifts.
  
• The pilot that lands out is always the one without the radio.
  
• Don't look at your wing in turbulence... Ever.
  
• Being ambivalent in the air is a great recipe for trouble.
  
• Work is for people who don’t fly paragliders.
  
• The longer you kick dirt on launch, the more likely you are to blow it.
  
• When you’re flying and the sh*t hits the fan, the fan usually increases in speed.
  
• Committing to aviation takes a certain amount of self-delusion.
  
• Each flight is a gift.
  
• Flying is the second greatest thrill known to mankind. Landing is the first.
  
• You are always a student in an aircraft.
  
• Always leave yourself a way out.
  
• You should have been here yesterday.
  
• Tomorrow will be better.
  
• Your motor will run great until you take off.
  
• The three most common expressions in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?", and "Shit!"
  
• Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
  
• Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
  
• A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
  
• I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
  
• Will Rogers never met a PPG pilot.
  
• We have a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
  
• Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
  
• Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding your problem.
  
• When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
  
• Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
  
• When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest,cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
  
• The PPG is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
  
• A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his airplane to its maximum.
  
• If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
  
• If a Wing is still in one piece and is not tied in a full granny knot, don't cheat on it; fly the bastard down.
  
• Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I shall Fear No Evil, For I have not yet thrown my reserve.
  
• You've never been lost until you've been lost at 200' with little to no gas left.
  
• Never fly tandem with someone braver than you.
  
• The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A Emergency landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.
  
• What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
  
• Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
  
• Basic Flying Rules;
  
  1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
  2. Do not go near the edges of it.
  3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space... NOTE: It is much more difficult to fly there.